How I Met Your Mother
by ParadoxZee
Summary: "I promise! She came onto me first!" — Said all guilty men. If there was anything the Fairy Tail men wanted to keep on the down low. It would be, How I Met Your Mother.


**Title:** How I Met Your Mother

**Rating: **M

**Pairings:** Gray x Lucy, Natsu x Lisanna, Laxus x Cana, Elfman x Evergreen, Freed x Mirajane, Gajeel x Levy

**Characters: **Most of Fairy Tail. *POV* Gray

**Summary: **"I promise! She came onto me first!" — Said all guilty men. If there was anything the Fairy Tail men wanted to keep on the down low. It would be, _How I Met Your Mother._

**A/N: **I started a new one. Oops.  
BETA Reader did not read. All fault is on me. Excuse any spelling/grammatical errors.

**PROLOGUE**

* * *

_"I promise! She came onto me first!" — Said all guilty men._

* * *

It was like any other day in Magnolia. There was little that could beat it, the brilliantly sunny day in the middle of summer. Except, maybe, the loud, rambunctious, lively, building a regular human being would stray at maybe, 500 feet away from—possibly, the only safe area would be the next town. What Fairy Tail needed was a "Hazard" sign. But surprisingly enough, the sheltered, shaded, caution area, was kid friendly. And the best place to be in on this _beautiful _day.

Gray despised the idea of leaving his offsprings with a bunch of people—that were the source of all destruction—that knew nothing of maternity and domestic capabilities. Like Natsu trying to teach his own how to eat fire. Or Cana persuading little Hana that drinking does not intoxicate one's blood, (she used Laxus as an example, who surprised all of them by knocking out sooner than he should have.) Yet, he found it difficult to convince the mother otherwise. Although, she did have a point.

They were family. And family time, was important time. The bonds his kid shared with the other kids were oddly _startling__. _Which had him thinking, if they acted that mischievous and inexhaustible at such an age. But there really was no room to ponder on it, unfortunately for him, out of the Fairy Tail male bunch, his blessed sperm granted him with _twins. _

"Daddy!" A small voice gave a shrill of excitement. After two years of watching them—unlike his lover who got it down in a week right after their birth—he finally managed to classify them to know it was Sora.

"Hmm?" Gray grunted, realizing with irritation that his shirt he swore he had on seconds ago, was now gone.

"Look! Daddy! Look at Sora!" Yuki was nonetheless also almost excited as his brother was.

"Very nice."

Gray turned around, paying no heed to his children that were now "play" pushing each other on the blunt edge of the river walls. Instead, he ceased his steps in the trek towards the guild and looked around for his missing shirt. The clothing was new and bought by his very own lover. She'd have his testicles in a knot if she found out about—but with a little backwards walking, he stumbled upon the piled clothing.

"Look at us!"

"Yeah~ Daddy, look at us!"

"I'm looking, daddy is looking," he murmured incoherently and silently prayed while he struggled to place the shirt back on. Morning walks to the guild were always a new story to tell. Unfortunately, they never ended on a good note where his significant other would scold him for not watching. _Daddy was looking. __  
_

With a arm and head successfully through their proper shirt holes, Gray gave a breathy sigh. He watched as the trouble unfolded before him. Specifically starting with Yuki shoving his poor brother too hard into the watery depths. Something that their mother would have prevented five minutes ago. Where was she now? On a job with "_Auntie"_ Erza.

"Wow, Yuki. You proud of yourself, buddy—and look. Sora, don't—don't do that, now look what you've done," he slipped his other hand through its shirt hole and sauntered to where Yuki stood, wide-eyed and astonished, aloof as ever. _Kids. _

The river was now solid, emitting an immense of burning cold as Sora sat on his bum, freezing the waters to keep him from sinking. Up and down the bank, fisherman who had seen the kids horseplay, had an endeavor in reeling in their fishlines with angry mutters and maybe even calls. Gray was deaf to it all as he blamed himself for it. If only he had taught the kid how to swim.

"Do you know how to unfreeze the ice?" He asked with a solemn tone as Sora waddled to look up at his father, slightly skating to the canal walls. The blonde-haired child's face wobbled. Gray gave another sigh and bent over, grabbing the back of his shirt collar to carry him over the wall with ease.

"Sorry, daddy..."

"Just watch where you push each other... Now we have to fix it for the grumpy fishermen," the experienced Ice-Mage placed the twin down. He eyed the frozen river wearily. Appreciation bubbled inside of him at the sight, but the week long stress of being the only one watching the kids was overpowering. He couldn't pin this up on Lucy, one of them had to get the jewels some how... Preferably him, but apparently, his arguments were always invalid.

Bringing a hand up to Sora's head and patting it in affection, Yuki, the less destructive one, chirped happily: "I can unfreeze it! I'll do it, daddy! PLEEEASE, let me do it!"

In mind's eye, Yuki would have made a nice girl. Just from his annoying whining and willingness, that _he, _was the best out of both twins. Like his brother, he ended up being born with a part woman did not have.

"Why not."

"Ya~y!"

Happily, the little boy laid on his stomach, arm reaching out to coax his fingers flat against the frozen water. He giggled at the icy touch, but quickly scrunched up his face in concentration.

Unluckily, for _him _and the mother, neither of the kids had an interest or sign of holding Celestial Spirit Magic. Both children ended up with wanting to "freeze things" or "transform." Which gave Gray no choice but teach them. Except for Yuki. Yuki was more fond of his team member, Erza Scarlet. The idea of changing clothes in public with sharp weapons caught his doe-like eyes. And for some strange reason, he was good at it. Not that he didn't have tiny ice tricks up his sleeve though.

With an unnecessary raspberry, Yuki had finally managed to rid of the ice. More like dissemble it into large floating chunks. But it was enough for Gray and the fishermen to happily fling their hooks back in.

"I did it!" Small fists were thrown into the air, mocking fist pumps of excitement. Soon after, Sora began hoot calling and jumping for joy. Sadness quickly diminishing from his previous scolding.

"Let's get going now. Mommy is probably waiting for us," the elder men gently shoved them forward, ushering the two to began walking again. The least he could do was keep them out of any more trouble.

"With Auntie Erza?" Yuki's eyes glistened in a twinkling manner at the name of his idol. It was scary. Out of all the people, Yuki had fallen in love with the most abusive woman. There wasn't anything wrong with her... Just her fists. And maybe her head.

Slowly nodding, even though he was behind them, Gray softly whispered: "With Auntie Erza..."

Watching the back of their blonde heads, he witnessed Sora softly nudge his minute older brother. He muttered quietly, but not enough for Gray not to hear the coherent words of: "Daddy is scared of Auntie Erza." The two little knuckleheads laughed to themselves, still thinking that their father could have possibly not heard it all. Without a doubt, the bearer of his children, had spoken lamely of him.

"Am not," he retorted, playing his childlike attitude on for the battle of "are too!"

But instead, they worshipped Satan's Spawn.

"Auntie Erza is so cool!"

"Mommy says she is STRONG!"

Before Gray could even throw down a couple of negatives—who was he kidding? He was arguing with four year olds—both twins rocketed for Fairy Tail, leaving their poor father behind. At least it was quiet... For now.

o0o0o0o0o

"Mommy!" The twins yelled in unison as soon as the doors of Fairy Tail opened. Gray trailed behind them—shirt in contact—stopping to say hi to a couple of friends before approaching his partner.

"My babies—Lisanna, here you go," Lucy gave a wicked smile, handing, what possibly might be Natsu's new born, back to the mother. She didn't falter to grab both her kids in a wide group hug, exchanging wet kisses to the cheek. She may have been gone for _only _a week, but boy did it feel like a year with those kids.

"Mommy," Gray exclaimed, joining his family's reunion. There was nothing better than ending the feeling of missing someone with a kiss. From none other than his loving other, Lucy Heartfilia.

"Hey, you," the blonde didn't faze from her smirk, despite her weary state. She averted her attention from the kids, resulting them to run away with "ew's" as she gave a lingering peck. Oh the familiar taste he relished of her. A week was too long indeed.

The Celestial Spirit Mage sighed onto his neck as she nuzzled his jawline vigorously. The top of her head brushed under his nose, giving him the smell of strawberries and maybe even mangoes. The actual scent was better than sniffing her clothes or using her body shampoo for himself. Which in his defense, was not weird at all. It was normal, like when she'd bring a shirt he'd recently worn to a job. It was _love. _In an odd way that was humane and real.

"How'd it go?" Gray asked, keeping his arms looped around her nubile waist.

He regretted asking her as she had to depart from breathing in his neck. It felt cold now as she stared up at him. "Relaxing actually."

"I bet... When are you going to let me go on one? The boys have been making fun of me." The Ice-Mage furrowed his eyebrows, this time letting go of the blonde so she could sit back down.

Lucy only laughed before taking a sip of her drink. Regardless of how tired she was, she didn't show it. "What have they been saying?"

"That you... That you have me by the balls..." he said it lowly, but Lisanna heard it very clearly, resulting from her strangled chuckle. He did not hesitate to glare at her.

"Well don't I?" The blonde gave a coy smile before feathering her finger tips over his crotch. She brushed the sensitive parts, watching his face as it lurched and snorted loudly the word _men _when he snatched her hand.

"There are kids around," Gray grunted and then placed her hand onto the table. "And I think you're being unfair. Natsu has a four year old and a _newborn, _he gets to go."

"But _you're _not Natsu. Plus the kids are fond of you."

"They idolize you."

"Wrong! They idolize Erza."

"Just let me get the next one—"

"Gray!"

There was a yank at the back of his shirt collar. It tugged him back forcefully, almost choking as it made him take a few steps back. Then an arm wrapped around his shoulders, giving him a tight squeeze before turning him around to walk another direction. Thankfully, for him, away from Lucy before another small, pathetic bicker broke out.

"Oi, sorry, Luce. I'm borrowing him!" Unmistakable, Natsu had become his savior.

_"Be my guest,__" _Lucy said softly, but not soft enough.

Sighing through his nose, Gray mentally prepared for what was next. Because really, the large, teethy grin on Natsu's part was just screaming "sketchy." And when was talking with all the guys never about something stupid? So far, all their conversations had been about domestic problems or how they were sexually frustrated. Which, sadly, Gray had a chip in.

"Lighten up, Princess. We're not changing diapers," Natsu gave a throaty chuckle and tightened his arm around Gray again. But he stayed quiet as he continued to lead the both of them to the farthest corner in the guild. More of the dark side with the dimmer lights and scary silhouettes of large men.

As they approached their destination, the shades became a clearer view of every baby daddy.

With a quick shove forward from Natsu, Gray found himself awkwardly snug in a chair beside Gajeel. Who slurred: "Look what the cat dragged in." Shortly followed after with: "Did you find your balls yet?"

A chorus of deep, manly, laughter reverberated through the guild.

o0o0o0o0o

Sora furrowed his eyebrows at his shaking glass of water. The rumbling chuckles of said "man" echoed loudly throughout Fairy Tail, making his stomach upset and ears ring. He directed his gaze towards the resulting area, watching as the dark figures of what possibly was his father, laugh uncontrollably. Probably from a lame joke like daddy would always tell mommy.

He shrugged, forgetting the silly pun. Instead, his attention span lead him to kick his feet and scan the entire guild. Everyone was talking or drinking that bitter beverage daddy made him try once. Mommy was busy snuggling the new baby, which made him give a raspberry to no one in particular. Babies were everywhere and Sora despised it. They were attention seeking little monsters that did nothing but _cry._

When his _own _mother told him he was once a baby, he refused to believe it. There was no remembrance of being so annoying or a whiny baby. The only close person that was an exceptional baby was, Yuki. Yuki, always cried or whined. Daddy called him sensitive, but he called him _annoying. _

The little boy's eyes stopped unconsciously on his brother. He was huddled with the other kids in the nearest corner, bouncing on Aunt Levy's knees (Aunt Erza left earlier than expected) as he held onto her _third _child, baby Aiko. Mommy called her, "The Baby Maker." Which made no sense. Mavis leaves babies at the door steps, not Aunt Levy.

Circling them, were varying children. A whole bunch of hyper kids who Sora didn't really remember the names too. Except, Lovi, because she had long, black hair, and red eyes. Like her older brother, Kiba, who looked scarier, like his dad—and a girl. Then, Angel, a pink-haired boy whose dad was his dad's best friend. Oh, and there was, Hana. Tall, blue-eyed, brunette who always tied her hair in a high pony tail and barely wore any clothes. She teased and hit him a lot. She called it "love tapping" but being "mean" made more sense. But she was nice sometimes... And she was actually coming his way right now...

Sora gritted his teeth, biting the insides of his lower lip to brace himself for the usual noogie.

"Hey twerp," there was a quick, annoying ruffle of his hair. Then his water disappearing in front of him. He blinked once, twice, paying no heed to his drink. More surprised actually, the noogie was not as harsh as usual. Leading him to chirp happily: "Hi Hana!" Even if she was gulping down half his glass.

The girl placed the glass down. She gave a small smile, making her look like her mom. Which, Sora found funny in an odd way. Auntie Cana also had long brunette hair and only wore what looked like mommy's bra plus some tiny shorts. His dad called it provocative.

"I know you," she said, leaning onto the bar counter without having to sit down. It made him jealous; she was tall and he was tiny.

Raising an eyebrow at her, he give the brunette a knowing look. They always played this game whenever he visited the guild. Who was Sora and who was Yuki?

"But you were just with my brother. You can't cheat."

"That doesn't mean I knew which one he was."

True... Sora kept his mouth shut.

"I got it this time," she tapped her finger hard against the old oak.

"Yuki!"

Sora gave a wide grin.

"Really?"

He shook his head.

"Wow, you little brat. You got my hopes up."

Sora giggled and then indirectly kissed her by finishing his cup of water. Or theirs.

"You bored, kid?"

He nodded.

"Why are you alone?"

He shrugged.

"Sorry about your water."

He shrugged again, finally finishing his drink.

"Why aren't you over there with us? Aunt Levy is about to do that thing with her stories."

"Story time," his eyes sparkled. If there was anything in the guild he loved most, besides Aunt Mirajane cooking whatever he asked for, it would be Story Time. A little segment Aunt Levy would do to entertain the little ones while their parents did whatever. Sometimes even mommy would join, giving him a spot on her lap if she wasn't carrying a _baby. _

"I take you want to listen?" Hana stood straight, fixing her tied hair while gesturing the little one to follow. He didn't hesitate to as he bounced off his seat and sang "Story Time" with a lot of energy.

o0o0o0o0o

"Ah shit," Gajeel muttered underneath his breath.

"What?" Gray asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Levy is starting her little Story Time thing."

"What's wrong with it?"

Gajeel shrugged his shoulders. "Can't go home until she finishes."

"I'll take a kid off your hands," Laxus grunted, standing to saunter off to the circle of kids. "Hana isn't interested in those kind of things anyway."

Gray turned his head to see what the commotion was all about. It was just a bunch of children listening to Levy. Yuki and Sora listened to her all the time... And they refused to leave until the story was finished... Now he saw it.

"I'll bring them home too, Lucy hasn't rested since her request," unsteadily, he rose to his feet. They could always have lunch at home and Lucy would just tell them a story from their past adventures. She had a huge book of it anyways. That she still refused to let him touch or see. Four years later and you'd think things would change.

"I think i'll grab Lisanna and go too," Natsu stood as well, following after Laxus.

"Might as well grab my kids too..." Freed sighed, leaving Gajeel and Elfman to stare awkwardly at each other.

"This is not manly..." Elfman murmured, then left Gajeel to sit alone in his corner.

...

With his hands in his pockets, Gray shuffled towards the chatting circle. The kids were talking amongst themselves while Levy bounced Yuki on her knees. His son was clumsily cradling a sleeping Aiko, the bluenette's arms holding his hands, fear of dropping the infant noticeable. But the small trust in her eyes was enough for her to actually let him. Something Lucy would have never done.

It was always hard breaking it to the kids that _they _had to go. The crying was relentless and the tugging on their arms was difficult to do. Sora had a very bad habit of freezing Gray's hands while Yuki was the loudest crier ever. Out of all the kids, it wasn't really something to take pride of, that your kid would do wonders for waterworks. The only person who could stop the crying and bring the air back to it's peaceful ambiance, was _Lucy. _

Giving a breathy sigh, Gray watched as the first father to tug their children away—with proper ease—was Laxus. But he had it easy, Hana was eight and understood everything all too well. Then the next was Freed, giving a lame excuse to Yamato. And Elfman with his two kids, who escaped rather quickly. And now _his _turn.

"Psst," Gray hissed poorly.

It still caught Sora's attention though, keeping him from saying bye to his _girlfriend, _Hana.

"Home," he mouthed. And then the little blonde boy crossed his arms tightly, giving in to a small pout as his face crinkled.

"Aunt Levy was about to start."

"Mommy is tired."

His lips began to quiver. Gray tried his best to ignore the doe-like watery eyes and turned to Yuki. "Come on, give Aunt Levy her baby back. Mommy is tired."

"Aww..." Yuki whined, but he didn't reject his orders as he scooted off of Levy's lap, careful not to drop Aiko as he landed onto his feet. The baby blinked it's eyes open, but did not make a sound akin to what Sora was about to do. "Can I hold her tomorrow?"

The bluenette mother gave a small chuckle and nodded. "What's the rush anyways? Why is everyone leaving?"

"Lucy is tired," Gray muttered along with the rest of the incoherent excuses the fathers gave.

"I'm hurt," Levy faked a frown. "You _all _should listen to my story today. It might ignite some fire if you know what I mean."

There was a silence as if everyone was trying to process what she had just said. Gray was in if it was about easing some sexual tension and he knew the others were probably thinking the same thing.

"No offense, Levy. But we're all kind of grown here..." Laxus said, placing his hands on Hana's shoulders.

"Oh shush you—Girls! Come over here!—Kids, take a seat on the rug again. Trust me, we'll all enjoy this!—Lovi, be a dear and get your old father. We're all going to tell this story," Levy was practically jumping in her seat as everyone else—more like the men—were groaning in disapproval. The children, on the other hand, were already getting comfy on their bottoms as they circled Levy's feet once more.

"What's going on?" Lucy pinched Gray softly, asking for his attention. He shrugged his shoulders. "Story time."

"Grab a seat," Gajeel said lazily. "We're going to be here for awhile."

Sighing out loud for the hundredth time today, Gray didn't falter on grabbing a seat for himself and his lover. The second chair going to Lisanna instead as Lucy snuggled up on his lap. She smiled heartedly but quickly brought her attention back to Levy. Who was giving endless amount of giggling excitement.

"I knew we should have just left the kids there," Laxus grunted and propped himself next to Cana.

"Are we all here—Great! Great! Oh, this is so exciting," the bluenette giggled again. "So, who wants to know, how their parents met each other?"

Everyone—adult—went wide-eyed.

"Oh no," Cana whispered lowly.

"A-Are you kidding me," Laxus breathed.

"That's not a story to tell..." Lisanna gave a sheepish smile.

"It's sounds like a good idea... In a way," Mirajane distanced herself.

"Let's go home," Gray shook Lucy.

"Our stories can't be _that _bad," the blonde exclaimed.

"Speak for yourself!" Cana threw her flip-flop, which drastically missed.

"How about another time, Levy?" Gajeel patted her head, but the bluenette was not having it.

"Wait! I want to know how mommy and daddy met!"

Oh, Sora. Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora, Sora...

The little boy jumped onto his mother's lap, making Gray stir beneath her unsteadily at the added weight.

"Yea~h, daddy!" _Daddy, _it's always daddy. Yuki tugged at his pants.

"Yea, I actually want to know how you guys met too," Hana looked at her mom. She scowled unappreciatively and threw her other flip-flop at her daughter. "Shut it. I'm trying to go home sober this time." The two then got into a quick fight with both their hands locking, pushing each other as they rolled on the floor. While Laxus just whistled to himself, watching the two women.

There really was no way of getting out of this. The chorus of "Me too's" coming from the kids were unbearable. Making Levy put her big girl foot down—at the same time cradling Aiko—and yelling that it was settled. They were all to tell their stories of "How I Met Your Mother." If only they had gone home sooner. Or Lucy could have met them at home.

"Ya~y!" Sora wailed and then hopped his mom's lap to sit in between Hana and Yuki.

Gray felt himself shrink in his seat as Levy scanned the crowd wearily. She looked intimidating; holding the baby and searching for a prey. Most likely of whose story was going to be told first.

"So, who volunteers?"

* * *

**A/N: **Dun, dun, du~n. Oh jeez, another story.  
Who is going first?


End file.
